5 Tips for Dealing with Distance

I never dreamed that I'd be in a long-distance relationship.  I guess no one really ever does, but I definitely did not.  Let me preface this post by saying that I'm absolutely, positively no expert.  Heck, AJ and I have only been in this stage of our relationship for a few months.  But as someone who spent time on a daily basis (we worked together!) with her boyfriend, I'll tell you that being long distance has been an adjustment.

When AJ finally made the decision to transfer to Berklee and move to Boston, all of the excitement and support I had been feeling for him vanished for a minute.  I remember looking at him with tears in my eyes and asking "what's my role in this?".  I felt so lonely so immediately, and for me, it was hard to imagine where I fit into his life from a distance.  My mom once said that this was going to be payback for what she did to her mom (my parents met when my dad was living in Ohio for work, fell in love, and decided to get married; their relationship was mostly long-distance, and they missed one another so much that they moved their wedding up to December, just six months after they had met; people said she looked like the most miserable bride when she was planning the wedding, but it was only because she missed my dad so much!).

I was never really worried or afraid of putting some space between AJ & I...we've got a really solid relationship, communicate well, and rarely argue, but of course, I also wasn't excited about it.  It definitely helps that I'm sure that Berklee is where God wants AJ to be.  But it has taken some effort on both of our parts to make this transition an easy one.  So I'd like to share 5 tips that have really helped me move into a long distance relationship.

1.  Be intentional, be there & make time for one another.  Your life fills up, and the time you used to spend with your significant other will get claimed by some other part of life.  There have been times when AJ and I have been on the phone and can tell that the other one is distracted and those conversations are never as fulfilling or as great as the ones when we're both fully "there"!

2.  Make things special!  One of my favorite things to do is to send AJ mail.  He loves finding a card in his mailbox and I love knowing that he's getting to open a hand-written card from me!  I never tell him that I'm sending something so that it's a complete surprise.

3.  Stay busy!  For me, the times when I feel most lonely are when I have nothing to do, so I like staying busy and having something to tell AJ when he asks me about my day!  Specifically, my advice would be to invest time into things that you've either been wanting to do for a while or that fell to the wayside when you started dating.  Have you always wanted to learn a new skill or hobby?  Do it!  (P.S. being in a relationship should never be an excuse for not pursing things that you love, but let's be honest, sometimes knitting takes a back seat to watching a movie with your boyfriend)

4.  Be understanding.  Sometimes it's hard, but understanding that each of you have separate schedules and lives is essential.  There are times when AJ calls me because he's walking home from class and I just can't talk.  We've learned to be good about asking the question "is this a good time?" and not just assuming the other person is available.  And sometimes, there are just days when talking on the phone or video chatting just doesn't happen.  That's life.

5.  Plan visits!  One of the most fun things about being in a long distance relationship is the potential for traveling!  AJ's been home once since he moved, and it was great.  But what was even more fun was the trip that I took to Boston.  Since he lives with my cousin and another roommate, I was able to just stay in their apartment and we got to spend time exploring Boston and spending time just the two of us.  Traveling can be expensive, but be on the lookout for deals on bus and plane fares.  Sign up for email alerts from airlines.  I get emails from JetBlue boasting $59 flights all the time.  Planning your travel well can mean a relatively cheap, (and definitely memorable) trip!

Are you in a long-distance relationship?  What are your tips for dealing with the distance?

DEALING WITH THE DISTANCE

I never dreamed that I'd be in a long-distance relationship.  I guess no one really ever does, but I definitely did not.  Let me preface this post by saying that I'm absolutely, positively no expert.  Heck, AJ and I have only been in this stage of our relationship for a few months.  But as someone who spent time on a daily basis (we worked together!) with her boyfriend, I'll tell you that being long distance has been an adjustment.

When AJ finally made the decision to transfer to Berklee and move to Boston, all of the excitement and support I had been feeling for him vanished for a minute.  I remember looking at him with tears in my eyes and asking "what's my role in this?".  I felt so lonely so immediately, and for me, it was hard to imagine where I fit into his life from a distance.  My mom once said that this was going to be payback for what she did to her mom (my parents met when my dad was living in Ohio for work, fell in love, and decided to get married; their relationship was mostly long-distance, and they missed one another so much that they moved their wedding up to December, just six months after they had met; people said she looked like the most miserable bride when she was planning the wedding, but it was only because she missed my dad so much!).

I was never really worried or afraid of putting some space between AJ & I...we've got a really solid relationship, communicate well, and rarely argue, but of course, I also wasn't excited about it.  It definitely helps that I'm sure that Berklee is where God wants AJ to be.  But it has taken some effort on both of our parts to make this transition an easy one.  So I'd like to share 5 tips that have really helped me move into a long distance relationship.

1.  Be intentional, be there & make time for one another.  Your life fills up, and the time you used to spend with your significant other will get claimed by some other part of life.  There have been times when AJ and I have been on the phone and can tell that the other one is distracted and those conversations are never as fulfilling or as great as the ones when we're both fully "there"!

2.  Make things special!  One of my favorite things to do is to send AJ mail.  He loves finding a card in his mailbox and I love knowing that he's getting to open a hand-written card from me!  I never tell him that I'm sending something so that it's a complete surprise.

3.  Stay busy!  For me, the times when I feel most lonely are when I have nothing to do, so I like staying busy and having something to tell AJ when he asks me about my day!  Specifically, my advice would be to invest time into things that you've either been wanting to do for a while or that fell to the wayside when you started dating.  Have you always wanted to learn a new skill or hobby?  Do it!  (P.S. being in a relationship should never be an excuse for not pursing things that you love, but let's be honest, sometimes knitting takes a back seat to watching a movie with your boyfriend)

4.  Be understanding.  Sometimes it's hard, but understanding that each of you have separate schedules and lives is essential.  There are times when AJ calls me because he's walking home from class and I just can't talk.  We've learned to be good about asking the question "is this a good time?" and not just assuming the other person is available.  And sometimes, there are just days when talking on the phone or video chatting just doesn't happen.  That's life.

5.  Plan visits!  One of the most fun things about being in a long distance relationship is the potential for traveling!  AJ's been home once since he moved, and it was great.  But what was even more fun was the trip that I took to Boston.  Since he lives with my cousin and another roommate, I was able to just stay in their apartment and we got to spend time exploring Boston and spending time just the two of us.  Traveling can be expensive, but be on the lookout for deals on bus and plane fares.  Sign up for email alerts from airlines.  I get emails from JetBlue boasting $59 flights all the time.  Planning your travel well can mean a relatively cheap, (and definitely memorable) trip!

Are you in a long-distance relationship?  What are your tips for dealing with the distance?

Girl Talk // Finding My Prince Charming

Warning:  This is the girl talk where I get mushy and stuff.  But then I'm going to try to wisdom-juke you at the end (like a Jesus Juke...Jon Acuff...Stuff Christians Like....no?) which will be hard to do since I'm neither wise nor experienced at life.  Here we go.

I've never shared the story of "us" (i.e. me & AJ) on my blog.  Honestly, there's not much of a story to it.  (I'm pretty sure he'd agree, so I'm not worried about offending him when I say that).

Truth be told, we ended up together as the result of being the "friends" that were drug along on outings and hang outs of two of our friends who were interested in one another.  We had known the other existed for quite some time, and only began becoming friends in the fall of 2011.

I started managing the band that he and my brother were both in, and so that led to texting about booking emails and account information, which led to texting about common interests like How I Met Your Mother, which led to easier conversation during those third and fourth wheel meet ups.

I wasn't expecting it to go anywhere...I had been hurt pretty badly by a guy just a few months before, and so our friendship began as just that...a friendship.  AJ would probably say it was more than just a friendship for him, and really, it wasn't long before he did mean more to me than just a casual guy friend typically would.  Like any giddy girl, I looked forward to his texts or to seeing him at church and at concerts.  One night, he asked me to hold onto his phone for him.  I ended up dropping it.  It was brand new.  Consequently, that was also the night his grandmother told his aunt that she could tell he liked me.

Sometime in early February, he invited me to a Super Bowl party at his aunt & uncle's house.  I accepted, went, and then spent most of the party upstairs hanging out with a friend who was not AJ.  He left without saying goodbye.

Soon after, he asked if he could take me to lunch.  That turned into making me lunch, and a short trip to Starbucks after which he declared that he had "a major crush" on me.  Then, we walked into a meeting together and didn't talk about it for another week.  Yes, awkward, but brilliant on his part.  He figured if I didn't share his feelings, then we couldn't talk about it for long.  And if I did, well that was great and we'd figure it out eventually.

"Eventually" turned out to be Valentine's Day, which is the most awkward holiday when you like a boy and he likes you back but you're not dating yet.  I cooked us dinner and he made chocolate covered strawberries that we never ate.  Over that dinner, we had a conversation that went something like "I don't want to act like we're dating but not actually be dating."  "Ok, then I guess we should just be dating then." "Sounds good."  Yep.  Romantic.  We spent the rest of the evening watching youtube videos of Jeremy Larson recordings and talking about music.

A year and a half later, I'm more in love with this man than I thought possible.  He's absolutely my Prince Charming.

But he didn't show up like I imagined.  Or like TV taught me to expect.  

It wasn't a drama-filled, one day I'm on cloud nine, the next I'm at the bottom of a pit emotional roller coaster that liking a guy can so often be.  We didn't lock eyes across a room and know at first sight that we belonged together.  If we went on a game show and were asked how we met or what our first date was, our answers might not even be the same.

I wouldn't say that our relationship is glamorous or even necessarily extraordinary. Most of our time spent together is spent at one of our houses, with family, cooking dinner, going for runs, watching Friends and doing work.  While we do go on little day trips and fun dates, it's not necessarily our norm.  AJ is my best friend, and I love life when we're together, no matter what we're doing.

Sometimes, I watch shows like the Bachelorette or movies about girls finding the guy and falling in love, and I get sad that my life, my relationship, isn't full of those extravagant dates or even the little bit of drama that I see on TV.  And then I have to slap myself because I realize just how dumb that sounds.

It's so easy to let your idea of a relationship get tainted and influenced by what movies tell us is the way it should be.  The truth is, Prince Charming rarely shows up on a white horse and rescues the girl from the evil witch or searches for her with just a glass slipper as a clue.

Real life relationship aren't like TV.  They're full of normal, sometimes awkward, real life.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

GIRL TALK | FINDING MY PRINCE CHARMING

Warning:  This is the girl talk where I get mushy and stuff.  But then I'm going to try to wisdom-juke you at the end (like a Jesus Juke...Jon Acuff...Stuff Christians Like....no?) which will be hard to do since I'm neither wise nor experienced at life.  Here we go.

I've never shared the story of "us" (i.e. me & AJ) on my blog.  Honestly, there's not much of a story to it.  (I'm pretty sure he'd agree, so I'm not worried about offending him when I say that).

Truth be told, we ended up together as the result of being the "friends" that were drug along on outings and hang outs of two of our friends who were interested in one another.  We had known the other existed for quite some time, and only began becoming friends in the fall of 2011.

I started managing the band that he and my brother were both in, and so that led to texting about booking emails and account information, which led to texting about common interests like How I Met Your Mother, which led to easier conversation during those third and fourth wheel meet ups.

I wasn't expecting it to go anywhere...I had been hurt pretty badly by a guy just a few months before, and so our friendship began as just that...a friendship.  AJ would probably say it was more than just a friendship for him, and really, it wasn't long before he did mean more to me than just a casual guy friend typically would.  Like any giddy girl, I looked forward to his texts or to seeing him at church and at concerts.  One night, he asked me to hold onto his phone for him.  I ended up dropping it.  It was brand new.  Consequently, that was also the night his grandmother told his aunt that she could tell he liked me.

Sometime in early February, he invited me to a Super Bowl party at his aunt & uncle's house.  I accepted, went, and then spent most of the party upstairs hanging out with a friend who was not AJ.  He left without saying goodbye.

Soon after, he asked if he could take me to lunch.  That turned into making me lunch, and a short trip to Starbucks after which he declared that he had "a major crush" on me.  Then, we walked into a meeting together and didn't talk about it for another week.  Yes, awkward, but brilliant on his part.  He figured if I didn't share his feelings, then we couldn't talk about it for long.  And if I did, well that was great and we'd figure it out eventually.

"Eventually" turned out to be Valentine's Day, which is the most awkward holiday when you like a boy and he likes you back but you're not dating yet.  I cooked us dinner and he made chocolate covered strawberries that we never ate.  Over that dinner, we had a conversation that went something like "I don't want to act like we're dating but not actually be dating."  "Ok, then I guess we should just be dating then." "Sounds good."  Yep.  Romantic.  We spent the rest of the evening watching youtube videos of Jeremy Larson recordings and talking about music.

A year and a half later, I'm more in love with this man than I thought possible.  He's absolutely my Prince Charming.

But he didn't show up like I imagined.  Or like TV taught me to expect.  

It wasn't a drama-filled, one day I'm on cloud nine, the next I'm at the bottom of a pit emotional roller coaster that liking a guy can so often be.  We didn't lock eyes across a room and know at first sight that we belonged together.  If we went on a game show and were asked how we met or what our first date was, our answers might not even be the same.

I wouldn't say that our relationship is glamorous or even necessarily extraordinary. Most of our time spent together is spent at one of our houses, with family, cooking dinner, going for runs, watching Friends and doing work.  While we do go on little day trips and fun dates, it's not necessarily our norm.  AJ is my best friend, and I love life when we're together, no matter what we're doing.

Sometimes, I watch shows like the Bachelorette or movies about girls finding the guy and falling in love, and I get sad that my life, my relationship, isn't full of those extravagant dates or even the little bit of drama that I see on TV.  And then I have to slap myself because I realize just how dumb that sounds.

It's so easy to let your idea of a relationship get tainted and influenced by what movies tell us is the way it should be.  The truth is, Prince Charming rarely shows up on a white horse and rescues the girl from the evil witch or searches for her with just a glass slipper as a clue.

Real life relationship aren't like TV.  They're full of normal, sometimes awkward, real life.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Girl Talk // I Thought I'd Be Married By Now

Before you get excited, thinking this is going to be boy talk, I'm sorry.  It's not.  But I promise it'll still be good. :)

Let me set the scene:  I didn't date through high school, I went to a Christian college, and if no one has ever let you in on this little secret....well, good Christian girls are supposed to meet their good, Christian husbands at their good, Christian college and then get married the summer after graduation and live happily ever.

It's a really great deal...you get an education AND a husband!

But guess what?  I'm out of college.  And grad school.  And I'm not married.  So that little plan of mine didn't really work out.  God is kind of funny that way.

I entered college ready to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a pediatrician.  About halfway through, I realized I didn't like biology, or chemistry, or physics all that much.  So I prayed.  And cried.  And switched my major.

I'm a planner, and my plan was to go to school, do well (which, by my standards, I didn't do that first semester), and graduate a few years later with an offer for med school and a marriage proposal.  Instead, I graduated with a degree in Psychology, a rejection from a teaching fellowship program I thought for sure was my next step, and not even a boyfriend.

Beyond just that degree, I also graduated with amazing life-long friendships, support from an alma mater that I'll always cherish, a ton of awesome memories, and the realization that even though I usually have no idea where it's taking me, God's plan is always so much better.

Trusting God is hard work.  And unfortunately for us humans, we're doomed to struggle with it.  Thanks Adam & Eve.  Ultimately, whether we want to admit it or not, we don't trust God because we're stubborn and we don't really believe that His way is better.  Just like Eve didn't really trust that God wasn't holding out on her and ate the apple anyway, we don't fully trust that we won't miss something great by letting God lead.

It's a lesson I'm still learning.  It's one I learn over and over, day in and day out.  It's one I'm currently learning as I'm waiting to hear from any of the dozen school districts I applied to teach in come fall.  Learning to lean in and fully trust God comes with heartbreak, pain, a fight against human nature, and eventually, release and rest.

I'm going to be totally cliche and just tell you...following the plan that God sets out for your life is so much more rewarding than anything you could ever dream up on your own.  You've heard it before, I know.  But it's so true.  And the closer you are to Him, the closer you are to His heart, the easier it is to follow.

Sometimes, I get the opportunity in youth ministry to sit down with a student who is starting to look at or about to head to college.  They're at this pivotal time in their lives when it feels like the weight of the world is bearing down and they have to have everything figured out.  And my favorite thing to say is "Stop!  Stop trying to have it all figured out and just be.  Let God lead and enjoy the moment.  Invest in relationships, learn about things that interest you, and don't be afraid of change.  Especially if that change comes in the form of transferring or switching your major!"

I thought that when I graduated from college, the constant state of transition would stop.  I was wrong.  But I've learned to see the beauty in the transitional.  It's made me more flexible.  It's made me appreciate the little things more.  And it's made me lean into God more.

So no matter where you are in life, whether you're on the precipice of a big change or you're pretty settled into a life you like, hold it all loosely and listen for God's voice in it.  Because you never know what He's going to ask you to do next.

As always, you know where to find me if you need me.

GIRL TALK | I THOUGHT I'D BE MARRIED BY NOW

Before you get excited, thinking this is going to be boy talk, I'm sorry.  It's not.  But I promise it'll still be good. :)

Let me set the scene:  I didn't date through high school, I went to a Christian college, and if no one has ever let you in on this little secret....well, good Christian girls are supposed to meet their good, Christian husbands at their good, Christian college and then get married the summer after graduation and live happily ever.

It's a really great deal...you get an education AND a husband!

But guess what?  I'm out of college.  And grad school.  And I'm not married.  So that little plan of mine didn't really work out.  God is kind of funny that way.

I entered college ready to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a pediatrician.  About halfway through, I realized I didn't like biology, or chemistry, or physics all that much.  So I prayed.  And cried.  And switched my major.

I'm a planner, and my plan was to go to school, do well (which, by my standards, I didn't do that first semester), and graduate a few years later with an offer for med school and a marriage proposal.  Instead, I graduated with a degree in Psychology, a rejection from a teaching fellowship program I thought for sure was my next step, and not even a boyfriend.

Beyond just that degree, I also graduated with amazing life-long friendships, support from an alma mater that I'll always cherish, a ton of awesome memories, and the realization that even though I usually have no idea where it's taking me, God's plan is always so much better.

Trusting God is hard work.  And unfortunately for us humans, we're doomed to struggle with it.  Thanks Adam & Eve.  Ultimately, whether we want to admit it or not, we don't trust God because we're stubborn and we don't really believe that His way is better.  Just like Eve didn't really trust that God wasn't holding out on her and ate the apple anyway, we don't fully trust that we won't miss something great by letting God lead.

It's a lesson I'm still learning.  It's one I learn over and over, day in and day out.  It's one I'm currently learning as I'm waiting to hear from any of the dozen school districts I applied to teach in come fall.  Learning to lean in and fully trust God comes with heartbreak, pain, a fight against human nature, and eventually, release and rest.

I'm going to be totally cliche and just tell you...following the plan that God sets out for your life is so much more rewarding than anything you could ever dream up on your own.  You've heard it before, I know.  But it's so true.  And the closer you are to Him, the closer you are to His heart, the easier it is to follow.

Sometimes, I get the opportunity in youth ministry to sit down with a student who is starting to look at or about to head to college.  They're at this pivotal time in their lives when it feels like the weight of the world is bearing down and they have to have everything figured out.  And my favorite thing to say is "Stop!  Stop trying to have it all figured out and just be.  Let God lead and enjoy the moment.  Invest in relationships, learn about things that interest you, and don't be afraid of change.  Especially if that change comes in the form of transferring or switching your major!"

I thought that when I graduated from college, the constant state of transition would stop.  I was wrong.  But I've learned to see the beauty in the transitional.  It's made me more flexible.  It's made me appreciate the little things more.  And it's made me lean into God more.

So no matter where you are in life, whether you're on the precipice of a big change or you're pretty settled into a life you like, hold it all loosely and listen for God's voice in it.  Because you never know what He's going to ask you to do next.

As always, you know where to find me if you need me.

Guest Post // Caroline on Marriage

Ok, so I'm really excited about this.  I have an awesome gal to introduce you to today!  Caroline runs a little blog called jcaro and I've been so blessed by it over the past few months.  I feel like we're friends.  Is that creepy?  Did I just become that sketchy blog girl who called a fellow blogger I've never actually met a friend?  Sorry Caroline.  Eeeek.

She just has such a wonderful heart for God and has a gift for writing!  She's the kind of blogger I read posts by and then decide I need to become a more intentional writer, you know?  Anyway, she's here!  today!  writing for you all on the best moments in marriage.  So grab a cup of tea and enjoy!

____________________________________________

Hello Heavens to Betsy Readers! My name is Caroline and I blog over at jcaro.com. I'm pretty stoked to be over here with y'all!

My husband and I just moved into our first real place (before we were living in a dorm for my job!). We now live in a condo in Houston, and we’ve spent the past two weeks *trying* to recreate Ikea showrooms in our place (um coolest, cheapest rooms ever, right?) We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary, and while our first year of marriage rocked, year two is starting to top it.

Yet, I feel this constant tension. Even though I am genuinely content with our life, our life isn’t as it appears online. If you read my blog or follow me on Instagram (@janecaro), you see just a glimpse into our life. You see the moments when I whipped out my camera and we posed for a photo. Or, in the case of our bed above, it took 10 minutes to get that bed photo-ready, and it was still looked wrinkled! The moments you and I capture are happy moments, but I’m becoming to realize is the best moments aren’t captured. They can’t be. There's so much more to life.

Some of the best moments in marriage are the messiest. It’s reconciliation after a disagreement or trusting Clayton when I doubt myself. 

It’s telling Clayton to be quiet as he continues to talk when I’m trying to go to sleep.  I’m half annoyed, but even though I wouldn’t admit to him, it’s secretly fun.

It’s being completely vulnerable – sharing insecurities and doubts that I’ve never entrusted to anyone.

It's realizing how selfish I am and yet being loved just the same. It’s accepting grace from him, which gives me a glimpse of our Father’s grace.

It’s being so angry when a little part of my heart goes off saying “this doesn’t matter, Caroline” and mid-sentence giving Clayton a hug. Love spurs humility that crushes pride to ground.

In a world that documents and showcases so much of our lives, may we also remember that the best moments don't have to be documented to be the best. May we remember that in the same way that our lives couldn't possibly be captured in a blog or an instagram feed, others can't possibly share the full story either.  

Embrace the messy, the tears, and the challenges, because in relationships, these bring about the best moments - they bring us closer, cause us to trust one another more, and love more deeply.

Thanks so much for reading! I'd love for you to stop by and say hi over at jcaro.com. I'll do my very best to share the full story! 

GUEST POST: CAROLINE ON MARRIAGE

Ok, so I'm really excited about this.  I have an awesome gal to introduce you to today!  Caroline runs a little blog called jcaro and I've been so blessed by it over the past few months.  I feel like we're friends.  Is that creepy?  Did I just become that sketchy blog girl who called a fellow blogger I've never actually met a friend?  Sorry Caroline.  Eeeek.

She just has such a wonderful heart for God and has a gift for writing!  She's the kind of blogger I read posts by and then decide I need to become a more intentional writer, you know?  Anyway, she's here!  today!  writing for you all on the best moments in marriage.  So grab a cup of tea and enjoy!

____________________________________________

Hello Heavens to Betsy Readers! My name is Caroline and I blog over at jcaro.com. I'm pretty stoked to be over here with y'all!

My husband and I just moved into our first real place (before we were living in a dorm for my job!). We now live in a condo in Houston, and we’ve spent the past two weeks *trying* to recreate Ikea showrooms in our place (um coolest, cheapest rooms ever, right?) We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary, and while our first year of marriage rocked, year two is starting to top it.

Yet, I feel this constant tension. Even though I am genuinely content with our life, our life isn’t as it appears online. If you read my blog or follow me on Instagram (@janecaro), you see just a glimpse into our life. You see the moments when I whipped out my camera and we posed for a photo. Or, in the case of our bed above, it took 10 minutes to get that bed photo-ready, and it was still looked wrinkled! The moments you and I capture are happy moments, but I’m becoming to realize is the best moments aren’t captured. They can’t be. There's so much more to life.

Some of the best moments in marriage are the messiest. It’s reconciliation after a disagreement or trusting Clayton when I doubt myself. 

It’s telling Clayton to be quiet as he continues to talk when I’m trying to go to sleep.  I’m half annoyed, but even though I wouldn’t admit to him, it’s secretly fun.

It’s being completely vulnerable – sharing insecurities and doubts that I’ve never entrusted to anyone.

It's realizing how selfish I am and yet being loved just the same. It’s accepting grace from him, which gives me a glimpse of our Father’s grace.

It’s being so angry when a little part of my heart goes off saying “this doesn’t matter, Caroline” and mid-sentence giving Clayton a hug. Love spurs humility that crushes pride to ground.

In a world that documents and showcases so much of our lives, may we also remember that the best moments don't have to be documented to be the best. May we remember that in the same way that our lives couldn't possibly be captured in a blog or an instagram feed, others can't possibly share the full story either.  

Embrace the messy, the tears, and the challenges, because in relationships, these bring about the best moments - they bring us closer, cause us to trust one another more, and love more deeply.

Thanks so much for reading! I'd love for you to stop by and say hi over at jcaro.com. I'll do my very best to share the full story! 

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today, I will celebrate this holiday with a classroom of 3rd graders, handing out Valentine's M&M's and Valentine's-themed pencils.  It's a throwback to all of those Valentine's parties from elementary school, except this time, I'm the teacher, and, if I'm being honest, I've been looking forward to it for weeks.

I can't help but take a moment to think of how different this Valentine's Day is from, well, any other I've celebrated.  Last year at this time, I was a bundle of nerves, getting ready to make dinner for AJ, who had told me he liked me a week earlier.  I knew the conversation about the future of our relationship was coming, and honestly, I had a pretty good idea of how it would turn out, but I was still nervous and anxious and giddy all at once.

But before that, Valentine's Day always started with this hope that something magical would happen, you know, straight out of a chick flick.  Guy comes to declare his love out of nowhere and sweeps girl off her feet.  They live happily ever after.  And then, inevitably, by the end of Valentine's Day, I would be met with disappointment, because, as Caroline so eloquently put it earlier this week, we don't live in a movie.

Last year's Valentine's Day ended with me watching Youtube clips of musicians like Jeremy Larson in my kitchen with AJ.  Not necessarily the gripping ending scene of the box-office buster, but, as I soon figured out, it was us, and it was perfect.  Love isn't always like the movies, and over the past year, I've found that sometimes, the most wonderful moments are found in the much-needed hug, the late-night walk, and the drive-home phone call.  And love isn't always roses and chocolates...it can be frustrating.  But it's worth it.  This past year has shown me that.

This year, it would be easy to go into this day with big romantic expectations.  But here's why I'm not:  AJ and I are both human.  We're both busy, we're both in school, and unfortunately, we both spent the weekend in bed sick.  The truth is that our Valentine's Day will likely be spent trying to get the other one to decide what we're going to have for dinner (the plight of being the most indecisive couple ever) and then watching NBC's Thursday night comedy line-up.  We've got a busy weekend ahead of us at church, and frankly, this little Thursday night routine (which is pretty much the same week-to-week), is what we both enjoy and what we probably both need this week.  We'll celebrate for real at some point, and maybe some day, when our lives and schedules are less frantic, we'll be more romantic in the traditional sense.  But I, for one, love finding the romance in the day-to-day.  In the cute text messages I often wake up to, in the songs he writes about me, in making dinner on weeknights or grabbing breakfast on Sunday mornings.  And that, my friends, I wouldn't trade for a fairy tale straight from Hollywood.

VALENTINE'S DAY

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today, I will celebrate this holiday with a classroom of 3rd graders, handing out Valentine's M&M's and Valentine's-themed pencils.  It's a throwback to all of those Valentine's parties from elementary school, except this time, I'm the teacher, and, if I'm being honest, I've been looking forward to it for weeks.

I can't help but take a moment to think of how different this Valentine's Day is from, well, any other I've celebrated.  Last year at this time, I was a bundle of nerves, getting ready to make dinner for AJ, who had told me he liked me a week earlier.  I knew the conversation about the future of our relationship was coming, and honestly, I had a pretty good idea of how it would turn out, but I was still nervous and anxious and giddy all at once.

But before that, Valentine's Day always started with this hope that something magical would happen, you know, straight out of a chick flick.  Guy comes to declare his love out of nowhere and sweeps girl off her feet.  They live happily ever after.  And then, inevitably, by the end of Valentine's Day, I would be met with disappointment, because, as Caroline so eloquently put it earlier this week, we don't live in a movie.

Last year's Valentine's Day ended with me watching Youtube clips of musicians like Jeremy Larson in my kitchen with AJ.  Not necessarily the gripping ending scene of the box-office buster, but, as I soon figured out, it was us, and it was perfect.  Love isn't always like the movies, and over the past year, I've found that sometimes, the most wonderful moments are found in the much-needed hug, the late-night walk, and the drive-home phone call.  And love isn't always roses and chocolates...it can be frustrating.  But it's worth it.  This past year has shown me that.

This year, it would be easy to go into this day with big romantic expectations.  But here's why I'm not:  AJ and I are both human.  We're both busy, we're both in school, and unfortunately, we both spent the weekend in bed sick.  The truth is that our Valentine's Day will likely be spent trying to get the other one to decide what we're going to have for dinner (the plight of being the most indecisive couple ever) and then watching NBC's Thursday night comedy line-up.  We've got a busy weekend ahead of us at church, and frankly, this little Thursday night routine (which is pretty much the same week-to-week), is what we both enjoy and what we probably both need this week.  We'll celebrate for real at some point, and maybe some day, when our lives and schedules are less frantic, we'll be more romantic in the traditional sense.  But I, for one, love finding the romance in the day-to-day.  In the cute text messages I often wake up to, in the songs he writes about me, in making dinner on weeknights or grabbing breakfast on Sunday mornings.  And that, my friends, I wouldn't trade for a fairy tale straight from Hollywood.

Valentine's Guest Post: Caroline from JCaro

In honor of Valentine's week, I've got a special guest post for you from Caroline of Jane Caroline.  This girl is one that I'm so blessed to have found through the blog world.  She's the kind of person I really wish I knew in real life.  The kind of friend I think I would spend many an afternoon having study-dates-turned-deep-conversations at a local coffee shop with. Is that creepy?  Ooops....errr...anyway...here's Caroline's post!

I will go on a “Valentine’s Day Date” with my favorite person in the world. He's my best friend. He sees my ups; he sees my downs.

When it comes to sappy, I am the queen. I love cheesy romantic gestures. I love Clayton's notes, surprises, & flowers. I treasure the hours spent helping my brother make a Valentine’s Word Search for his first girlfriend. I loved secret admirers and quirky gift exchanges. I love holidays, I love flowers just like every girl, and I love love.

But, the problem with Valentine’s Day is far too many people leave the day feeling unloved—both those in relationships and those who are single.

It’s not the day’s fault. We should celebrate the one we’re committing our lives to and going to spend forever with. We should set time aside for the warm, sentimental moments that make our heart race. We need to celebrate our partner because in the next week they are probably going to drive us up the wall, lead us to tears, or make us question our own sanity as we stomp out of the room. But, we don’t dwell on the latter reality. It is the warm, sappy moments that we—especially young women—envision and crave. We picture candle lit dinners, petals on the floor, classical music mysteriously coming out of the walls {or, whatever other cliché picture comes to mind when you think of a romantic Valentine’s Day}.

The problem is these expectations are unattainable.

{unless you’re in a scripted Hollywood romantic comedy on the 20^th take of the scene}. I cried at every birthday party all through elementary school. My tears came with such clockwork that my mom applauded me the first year I didn’t cry. I would wait so long for my party and the anticipation would build for the best night of the year to celebrate ME. When it came and didn’t live up to the Mary-Kate and Ashley hype in my mind, I cried. I think that’s a bit like Valentine’s Day. For some who are single, Valentine’s Day has evolved into a focus on what is missing for idealized, romantic moments. For those in relationships, the expectation for those same idealized, romantic moments remains unmet... because we don’t live in a movie.

These expectations don’t lead to love. They inevitably lead to being let down.

Align your expectations with reality and save your heart. Valentine’s Day is an excuse to buy chocolate for yourself and friends. It’s a reminder to love and cherish those around you. It is not a reminder you are single. It is not a reminder that your spouse isn’t romantic. It’s not a reminder you don’t have much money or that you have to work too much. It’s a happy and simple thing. It’s merely a random Thursday with chocolate & a reason to show love yourself. Let anything beyond surprise you—not be the expectation.

Share some love instead of calculating what's coming your way. I guarantee that's the purest form of love. Pure, selfless love.

VALENTINES GUEST POST: CAROLINE FROM JANE CAROLINE

In honor of Valentine's week, I've got a special guest post for you from Caroline of Jane Caroline.  This girl is one that I'm so blessed to have found through the blog world.  She's the kind of person I really wish I knew in real life.  The kind of friend I think I would spend many an afternoon having study-dates-turned-deep-conversations at a local coffee shop with. Is that creepy?  Ooops....errr...anyway...here's Caroline's post!

I will go on a “Valentine’s Day Date” with my favorite person in the world. He's my best friend. He sees my ups; he sees my downs.

When it comes to sappy, I am the queen. I love cheesy romantic gestures. I love Clayton's notes, surprises, & flowers. I treasure the hours spent helping my brother make a Valentine’s Word Search for his first girlfriend. I loved secret admirers and quirky gift exchanges. I love holidays, I love flowers just like every girl, and I love love.

But, the problem with Valentine’s Day is far too many people leave the day feeling unloved—both those in relationships and those who are single.

It’s not the day’s fault. We should celebrate the one we’re committing our lives to and going to spend forever with. We should set time aside for the warm, sentimental moments that make our heart race. We need to celebrate our partner because in the next week they are probably going to drive us up the wall, lead us to tears, or make us question our own sanity as we stomp out of the room. But, we don’t dwell on the latter reality. It is the warm, sappy moments that we—especially young women—envision and crave. We picture candle lit dinners, petals on the floor, classical music mysteriously coming out of the walls {or, whatever other cliché picture comes to mind when you think of a romantic Valentine’s Day}.

The problem is these expectations are unattainable.

{unless you’re in a scripted Hollywood romantic comedy on the 20^th take of the scene}. I cried at every birthday party all through elementary school. My tears came with such clockwork that my mom applauded me the first year I didn’t cry. I would wait so long for my party and the anticipation would build for the best night of the year to celebrate ME. When it came and didn’t live up to the Mary-Kate and Ashley hype in my mind, I cried. I think that’s a bit like Valentine’s Day. For some who are single, Valentine’s Day has evolved into a focus on what is missing for idealized, romantic moments. For those in relationships, the expectation for those same idealized, romantic moments remains unmet... because we don’t live in a movie.

These expectations don’t lead to love. They inevitably lead to being let down.

Align your expectations with reality and save your heart. Valentine’s Day is an excuse to buy chocolate for yourself and friends. It’s a reminder to love and cherish those around you. It is not a reminder you are single. It is not a reminder that your spouse isn’t romantic. It’s not a reminder you don’t have much money or that you have to work too much. It’s a happy and simple thing. It’s merely a random Thursday with chocolate & a reason to show love yourself. Let anything beyond surprise you—not be the expectation.

Share some love instead of calculating what's coming your way. I guarantee that's the purest form of love. Pure, selfless love.